For once in my life I actually “wish” that I lived in Seattle (Oh wait – did that just come from the “Twilight Midget” herself?) Yes, I guess it did.
I’m so much like Bella Swan / Cullen sometimes that it really isn’t funny. While all of my girl friends do their things, love parties, and love socializing it feels as though I’ve turned into a total hermit, and nerd again. Over the last couple of years I’ve reverted back into old habits where I don’t care about popularity, don’t care about doing what everyone else does, and just want to focus on work, reading, listening to music, cooking, decorating with the new seasons, and blogging. Is this a bad thing though? I don’t think so because, what I have realized is that the more people that I find myself around the more drama that comes from those interactions, and quite truthfully I am honestly really good with the coming changes in my life for this reason among many others. I spent the bulk of my life a loner, and what I’m realizing is that maybe that was the best thing for me because, it built strength.
My old Realtor that I used when I first moved here said it last week as we were talking about my present plans, and her words that day were “Misty, you actually have a gift, it sucks that you have to cart Jr around with you but, you have a gift in front of you. You are free to completely start over, you are free to be who you want to be, do what you want to do, become who you want to become, and don’t have a single thing stopping you anymore. You are very lucky, luckier than you realize.”
Is she right – yes but, some times it doesn’t feel that simple.
Who am I, what do I want, and now that I’ve grown up and got myself away from all of the drama, and toxic people that I was surrounded by what do I really want to do with my life?
I found my passion in writing but, for me it’s been a lot more than that. It’s been therapeutic to take the last few years, write, and get to know myself all over again without feeling like I needed to appease my toxic family, church leadership, my ex’s parents or, anyone else that I once put so much effort into appeasing. The truth is that I don’t need to do that, I never needed to do that but, what I needed to do was come to a place where I stopped caring about those things, where I stopped feeling like I had to be perfect all the time, where I realized that I am human, and I make mistakes just like everyone else does, and even come to a place where I admitted to myself that since I was 11 years old I have had to live the life of someone 3 times my age, taking on responsibility that was never mine to take on, and prior to that grew up in an environment where I was never allowed to question, I was never allowed to be myself, and I was weighed down by expectation, and if I didn’t live up to those expectations there were consequences that taught me that nothing short of enduring physical, emotional, and mental abuse were “normal”.
Maybe the reason why I love books as much as I do is because, books, and movies were the only things that were ever bought for me that I was allowed to utilize. In conversation with my roommate the other day this very subject came up, and I told him that when I was 4 a Barbie dream house, and a barbie horse, and carriage were both bought for me, countless dolls and other toys were bought for me over the next 4 years, and even in the years prior, and as I told him I was never once allowed to play with any of them, and when it came to the horse and carriage as well as the dream house, I never even found them until I was 22 years old, and packing up boxes, selling what I could, and getting ready to move to Georgia. 18 years. Those toys sat there for 18 years untouched, and I doubt that I sold them for any more than $100.00 never opened, and never taken out of the box but, until the last few years I still had every book that was ever bought for me because, I was allowed to touch, open, and read those.
Over the last few years, kindle has dominated the book industry but, to be honest I absolutely hate it, and refuse to purchase an E-reader because, I want the real thing. I use to live in Borders, and would find myself there more than anywhere else around town. Again, I want the real thing in front of me, and unfortunately my nearest Barnes and Noble is 30 minutes away regardless of which one I go to, and I detest it because, that makes my trips to the bookstore much less frequent than what they once were. Sure, there is an off brand book store that opened in my local mall but, good luck finding anything you actually want to read because, I have yet to be able to do that – it’s almost as bad as going to my local libraries regardless of which one I choose to go to.
Amazon opened their first store front today, and to be quite honest that gives me hope for the future. Maybe E-readers aren’t as successful as analysts thought they would be. Maybe more and more people have done what I’ve done, and boycotted them not because we don’t have the money but, because we want a book in our hands, and enjoy reading the night away without another technology device in front of our faces. I said this to a client last night as a matter of fact because, at 11:14 pm she sent me a text message asking me to re-send her a document that I sent her last Friday, and that she was happy with but, she had a moment of disorganization and couldn’t find it in her desktop folders. It happens – even to me, I happened to be awake, I had actually just gotten in bed but, I figured why not so, I opened my email on my phone, forwarded her the document, and said “Gotta love smartphones, and to think, there was a time when I boycotted these things because, I knew this would happen.”
We live in a day and age when none of us can get away from technology. There are times (more often than not lately) when I wish I could but, given that the internet is how I make a living right now that’s impossible for me to do. I look forward to the day when I get a full time position at a company so, that I can take a 30 day break from everything that is not work related. No one has any idea just how much I mean that because, I hate how glued I am to the internet, I hate how glued I am to technology but, what I’ve come to the conclusion of is it is because, I have to be not, because, I want to be.
With Amazon opening this store in Seattle it is giving me a little hope though, and that is that we are not as far gone as I thought that maybe we were becoming. The general population spoke, Amazon listened, and Barnes and Noble is going to be faced with a big challenge ahead of them because, the more stores that Amazon opens the more Barnes and Noble will be forced with lowering their prices to adequately compete.
Market Analysis, and years performing competitor research teaches you a lot of things. This would just be one of those things. Supply and Demand, Cause and Effect – Everything connects.
So what does the future look like for Amazon? Assuming that they continue to expand, I would say pretty lucrative because, they are aiming to please their customer base which is those of us who prefer to read a book rather than on a device.