Have you ever applied to an open position, and gotten a request back to complete a behavioral assessment? I have many times, and today was no different.
No, just to answer your question, I have absolutely no desire to stop writing nor, do I have any desire to go in a different direction but, instead I’ve chosen to make a change in my life that leads me to the place that I want to be for reasons that all center around growth, and moving past stagnation, and with that comes occasional behavioral tests.
This evening I couldn’t get someone that I once worked very closely with at a previous job out of my head, and ended up on his website. We closed many deals together in that time period, got to know each other well, and quite truthfully there isn’t another person in that field that I can say that I respect more because, he’s a great guy, he’s got a lot of character, and integrity, and I’d love the opportunity to be able to work around him again but, that wasn’t why I couldn’t get him out of my head – or, was it? Upon going to his website, there was a great big Now Hiring banner at the top of his page, and more-so out of curiosity than anything else I clicked on it, and saw along with many other titles the post that I couldn’t resist because, it could mean the open door that I originally said that I didn’t want, and have spent the bulk of the last year fighting.
Why did I fight it though? Why was I fighting what should have been so obvious, and what should have made perfect sense? 1 guess – I’m stubborn, and just to add a second reason in there – subconsciously, even though I didn’t realize it at the time I was yet again, caring more about the church, and my service oriented self than myself, and what was best for me, and my overall growth.
Will I ever learn? That answer is yes because, I am learning. Over the last few weeks I’ve hit the point of saying “I’m done, no more, I’m not putting up with this, and I’m going to change these policies, behaviors, cycles etc… once, and for all, and as I’ve weeded out more toxic people, as I’ve focused on me, my personal growth, and gaining a broader knowledge of what it is that I really want, and why I’ve been led to one specific place over, and over again, and for as crazy as it is going to make me look which is why I haven’t been talking about it or, making it public knowledge it is clearly what the universe has in store for me but, as I said to a good friend of mine this afternoon when he called me I have just been waiting for the door to fully open. All I have gotten so far is a tease, and the teasing (and tears – because, I’m just me, and my emotions are very much attached to all of this for reasons that I won’t get into) as a result I finally opened my eyes to what I was missing before which is why I was fighting it. I’m careful, I’m cautious, and last week after leaving meetings in that area with not one but, two clients I specifically said the words “Give me a good enough reason – if what I think is going on is really going on give me an open door, give me stability, and give me structure.” because, not only is this going to make me look like a long list of things that I am not, and I am not trying to portray myself as but, more importantly, I am me, I know myself, and I need those things. I’m cautious, I’m careful, I’m responsible, I’m a planner, I’m organized, and I don’t just want but, I NEED those things.
Do I want to go there – my answer has changed since last year, and is now yes but, I’m going to say it now publicly – it is not for the reasons many will assume. It’s simply because, I’m tired of stagnation, and I am tired of being somewhere that I have not now nor, have I ever belonged. The church has been my only reason to stay for a very long time, and that isn’t a good enough reason to stay when that equates to one day a week. I want to be where I can thrive, I want to be where I can grow, I want to be where the right opportunities will present themselves, and show me that I don’t have to give up on my dreams, and I don’t have to settle for less than what it really is that I want, need, and deserve.
Why do I say that I need those things? Take a look at the assessments yourself. The Psychology nerd in me kind of enjoyed seeing these results. And for those of you who want to take the assessment yourself it can be found here: https://www.tonyrobbins.com/ue/disc-profile.php